Monday, January 26, 2009

I Won!!!

Damn those 419 scammers are good! I received this one (revealed below) today, slinking its way through spam filters, and I was soooo ready to claim my winnings. Yes, they are enterprisingly quick to embroider reality to catch a sucker, though I am not sure which is more surreal, or fanatstic...
REF: SSL/61-ILGI0509/45

DATE: 26/01/2009


Dear Winner,

This is to inform you of the release of the US Treasury’s Sweepstakes “Everyone Is a Winner Lottery” Promotional Program (part of the US Congressional Legislation entitled the “No Household Left Behind Act of 2009) held on the 26th January, 2009 in which your ticket number: 212005600545188 with Serial number: 4888/02, an entry automatically attached to your SS number, which drew the Lucky numbers: 41-6-76-13-45-8, consequently won the lottery in the Second category of the year 2009. You are therefore approved for a lump sum payout of USD10,000.00 (TEN THOUSAND US DOLLARS ONLY) in cash accredited to file reference number: KPC/9080333308/03 from a total cash prize of USD 1,600,000,000.000.00(ONE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED BILLION USDs ONLY) to be shared amongst among the One hundred and sixty million households automatically enrolled winners in this category. Your funds are now deposited in a security company with your prize money insured in your email.

Due to the mix up of some email addresses, we ask that you keep this award from public notice until your claim has been processed and money remitted to your account as this is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unwarranted abuse by Financial Institutions of this program by participants as it has happened in the past.

All participants were selected randomly from Social Security Rolls through a computer draw system and extracted from all households. Subject to economic conditions and Government solvency, this promotion will take place annually to complement existing US Treasury policy.

To file your claim, you can contact:

United States Treasury
Mr Timothy Geithner
Tel: +202-781-2200

Or for more rapid (and recommended) disbursement, please contact our approved agent:

Union Bank of Nigeria
Mr Amos Mugambo
Tel: +234-1-8507693

who will process your claim and insure remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice. Remember, for most rapid disbursement you are to contact our agents by email and within One Month of receiving this notice. After this date, all funds will be returned to the United States Treasury as unclaimed. For further processing and remittance of your winning funds you are fill and forward to our claim agent, the completed processing verification form below:

(9)MODE OF PAYMENT(Bank Transfer or Certified Cheque)

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your reference/batch numbers in any correspondences with your recommended claim agent. Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program.

Yours Sincerely,
Timothy Geithner
Lottery Director

(lest my cred suffer, for the avoidance of doubt, I have admittedly embroidered my actual Spanish Lottery Win ;)

Oh, and John, surely a "Lottery" would be more fun than Helicopter Drops, no?


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kevin said...

It would help political resistance to the bailouts, anyway. nice piece!

Unknown said...

And in more serious matters, Powershares is doing its bit to increase the velocity of money by rolling out ETFs to buy mortgage-backed securities.

I think this is just the beginning. I think the banks/brokers will package a whole lot of MBS, RMBS, CDOs, bank loans, and sell them to the public through ETFs, CEFs, and open end funds. Probably appealing to Boomers and Ikes who like yield.

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I can't wait to here back on this myself. (But I am wondering: What the hell is a "Cheque"?)

Anyway, I hope Timmy TurboTax can help me out with this question....would I have to pay tax on the winnings or could I get a tax holiday too? : ]