Earth to Exchanges: Raise Margin Requirements Now!!!

(Fade in to telephone ringing.....)

Brrrring Brrrrring.

EARTH: Hello? Futures Exchanges?
This is Planet Earth calling.

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): (in Nasal BQ Accent) Yea? Waddda youze want?

EARTH: Ummmm if you look out the window, we seem to be encoutnering a bit of turbulence. Or is Turbolence. Oh well, never mind spelling or semantics, things are turbo-ing and we here on Planet Earth are becoming concerned that someone will get hurt. Errrr, yes, hurt rather badly.

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Whoozit you sez you were again?

EARTH: Errr Planet Earth. Terra Firma. Gaia. The Big Blue Marble.

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Did Vinny put yooze up to this?

EARTH: Ahem No. We're calling in respect of The Public Interest.

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Waddaya want again.

EARTH: Well we were thinking you should be thinking about raising margin requirements for speculators. Significantly. And increasing the penalties for mis-categorization as a Hedger to "Death".

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Vinny DID put ya up ta this!! Yooze are trying to mussel in my rackit arentcha??

EARTH: No. Now please I implore you. Things are really getting out of hand. Traders are embarking upon positions on the basis of the thin-ness of trade and the fact that you're the ONLY leverage in town. This is a recipe for disaster....

FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Are you CRAZY? I'ze live for days like these. THIS is what its all about. But you looks like a nice boy, prolly got some wop blood in ya so I tell ya what: "I'll do you a favor and swop the caffinated jo' for decaf. THAT should cool things off a bit.

EARTH: Ummmm errrr. yes thanks. Now about those margin requirements....