Monday, August 20, 2007

That GS Confidential Memo

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
**CONFIDENTIAL**

TO: All Goldman Sachs Marketing & Communications Staff
FROM: Mark Carhart & Ray Iwanowski - Gllobal Alpha
DATE: August 17 2007
SUBJECT: 2007 Performance & Semantic Guidelines

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Following recent market volatility, presumed temporary hiatus of modeled performance, and $3bn vote of confidence from Mr Greenberg and the GS Capital Committment Committee, we think it is advisable to unify the lingo that we use to describe investment performance, market conditions, and the factors that drive our P&L. At the suggestion of David [Viniar], we will heretofore employ the straight-forward and highly descriptive (unoffical) acronyms of the US armed forces as follows:

BEIFT - Behold, Every Indicator Forebodes Trouble; (pronounced "beefed")
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
CF - Cluster F*cked (i.e. multiple factor failure)
CHAOS - Chief Has Arrived On Scene (i.e. deleveraging imminent)
FISHDO - F*ck It, Sh#t Happens, Drive On (not to be used in the presence of P&E clients)
FUGAZI - F*cked Up, Got Ambushed, Zipped In; (refers to out-of-control situation such as a chaotic jungle warfare combat or extreme market volatility environment where we can't get out of positions, and can't due more due to losses)
FUBB - F*ck#d Up Beyond Belief
FUBAR - F*ck#d Up Beyond All Recognition
FUBER - F*ck#d Up Beyond Economic Repair
FUMTU - F*ck#d Up More Than Usual
FUNDY - F*ck#d Up, Not Dead Yet;
GFU - General F*ck Up
GMFU - Grand/General Market F*ck Up
JANFU - Joint Asset 'N Financing F*ck-Up
JAAFU or JAAFFU - Japan Asset Allocation F*ck-Up; (note: the use of JANFU combined with a radical increase in Japan Asset Allocation F*ck-ups, has led to the rare but increasing use of JAAFU/JAAFFU
LUUBO - Luck Used Up, Bail Out!
MOAFU - Mother Of All F*ck-Ups
MUBAR - Mortgages Unraveling Beyond All Recognition
REMF - Rear Echelon Mother-F*cker (i.e. short-squeezed by others deleveraging)
SAMFU - Self-Adjusting Market F*ck Up (inspired by Andrew Lo@MIT)
SAPFU - Surpasses All Previous F*ck Ups (Viniar: a 1-in-10,000 year event...??!)
SMUBAR - Spread Markets Unwinding Beyond All Recognition
SNAFU - Situation Normal: All F*cked Up (i.e. V.A.R. risk measures)
SUSFU - Situation Unchanged: Still F*cked Up
TOFU - Things Ordinary: F*cked Up
TARFU - Things Are Really F*cked Up
TUIFU - The Ultimate In F*ck Ups

(with thanks to Wiikipedia)

1 comment:

Deepak said...

A "tightass" contribution....."heretofore" would mean "till now".........perhaps you meant "hereafter" ? Or did I lose something in the context ?

Other than cute dimples in my backside (for which I am known by the label heretofore used viz. "tightass"), the acronyms made me smile......and some even guffaw !

Cheers ! Deepak