Monday, November 09, 2009


Salacious lies!! Goldman Sachs Press officers and executives had quite a day defusing all the fallout from CEO Lloyd Blankfein's so-called "own goal" (shooting himself in the foot for our American readers) by suggesting the $20 billion GS bonus pool is kosher because GS is doing ...ahem...."God's Work".

Some of their 'official' statements are collected below:

"GS will not ask its employees to make mandatory charitable contributions...their good and noble works for mankind in the name of God alone are sufficiently reverent that we believe our employees should be entitled to do as they see fit with their errrr ummm (verbatim hesitation) manna from heaven, without stipulations from management or worse yet, a secular, atheistic state".

"There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that Goldman Sachs will create a holding company for bonus-pool and deferred pay purposes, whose shares (like AIGs Starr affiliate) will ultimately be owned by a small Dublin charitable trust whose sole beneficiary is a 10-bed orphanage in Ireland". "We are shocked by the insinuation that GS would do anything contrary to the letter of the law to get a leg-up".

"Goldman Sachs will NOT be reorganizing itself into a tax-exempt religious "ministry" (or Temple rather) in order to take advantage of such status to further pursue God's Works" ( and get the Gross-of-tax Roll-Up). Bank-holding company status was quite sufficient thankyouverymuch. "Taxes" said their spokeperson, "in any event, are an important part The Lord's Work, which is why Goldman always engages multitudes of the best Tax Experts internally and pays for the best tax advice externally".

"Goldman Sachs is 100% categorically against abortion. We would never countenance aborting bonuses, at any part of the term but especially in late-term accrual, particularly when they've been earned in pursuit of such noble objectives as God's Work.

"Goldman Sachs is not a religiously-partisan organisation. If anything, we have a great diversity of religions pride ourselves on the diversity of our people. In fact we resemble the Unitarians - our units are the Millions, and the Billions"

"We have never claimed that our trading success was 'divinely inspired'. This is pure fiction. What we have said is different: Our traders are blessed with good luck (and information) and are annointed". The separation is not just semantic..."

"I don't know who said it (probably the goyim uptown at JP Morgan), but there is no truth that our blessed chairman and pious CFO were overheard talking derisively about the great, munificent, and most magnanimous people of America, suggesting that "....couldn't tell the difference between kneeling down and bending over..."

Hosanna's and Hallelujah's (for GS employees) all-round.
(Enough quotes! Amen.)


Anonymous said...

Looks like you have an issue with Blankfein being Jewish.

Clark in Old Hickory said...

An object lesson in why one should use caution when drinking coffee while reading certain bloggers. Fortunately, this laptop is reasonably liquid-resistant . . . I am forwarding this to a friend with an appropriate warning.

You are, in fact, brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Maybe she has an issue with banksters screwing the public while telling them that it's all part of God's plan.

Anonymous said...

I have a problem with mention of "God's plan," too, but that has been typical of Bush et al all along. I'm sure the villain LB meant it between quotes, but fun-loving types would like to think otherwise. Whatever.

Never does criticism of other God-mentioners include hyperbolic tinging with Christian references, as we do here with Jewish ones, "goyim" and "kosher." It's plain for all to see. For all the difficulties with Paulson, who wore the same shoes, we see no religious references; likewise for Geithner's big AIG alleged payout increase. Misdoings by Jews are committed by individuals, just like Christian ones. Tired of political correctness? Good. But all the good fun here is telling and not really so superior.

"Cassandra" said...


Thank for your comment which was carefully thought out and to the point. I agree wholeheartedly collective scarlet-lettering is a red-herring. I've argued the same in other circumstances. As a Wandering Outsider myself, and fully paid-up member of one of The Tribes, I can assure you the post was in no way meant to be anti-semitic, whether you choose to believe me or not. "Kosher" in the context, though you didn't find it amusing, conjured itself - not as a pun or insult, but for its common usage as "veritable". Admittedly, my feeble wit noticed it afterwards, but thought it funny and let it stand. We must be careful not to take ourselves too seriously and maintain the ability to laugh at ourselves - something Jewish entertainers do well, but Jewish financiers do less well. I suppose this could be because finance is serious business, and most financiers are not by nature funny. Upon re-reading, I think it simple fun, satire, and hardly hyperbolic.

I would never ask you to read the 650-odd posts over the past nearly five years, but if you did or had, you would realize you've got this one wrong, as what I hope passes for satire (most of the time) invokes the same satirical irreverence to Christians, Fundamentalists of any variety, Goldbugs, Activist-Investors, Levered-specs, Japanese, Neo-Cons, Clintonians, Women, and Men, and Cheaters of any persuasion. "Identity" has many names and faces that are often conflicting.

There IS a cadre of determined anti-semites out there, but I think you;ll more likely find them amongst the survivalist tin-foil-hat brigades or the momentum traders than you will in the likes of a reasonably humble contrarian. LB made monstrous gaffe under the present circumstances so is fair game to be roasted. I am, by the way, not in the "GS is omnipotent and the root of all evil camp". A lot of what they do IS useful. He doesn't need to think of lame excuses to justify it, though he could polish the sharp edges by making bonuses in stock, and subject to multi-year vesting (in case Feds must come to their rescue. With the two other Jewish IBs have been vaporized - ignoring the question of whether by conspiracy or by their own greed and/or stupidity - there is some important symbolism in GSs survival, not helped by what may seem from the outside as triumphal overconfidence in GSs "aura" that IF they were more prudent, they would try to manage a little better.

Shairhon the Parliamentarion said...

Since Goldman has already conquered "State" why not go after "Church".
After all, that merger would put them on top of the IB table for at least 3 years.

Anonymous said...

you sir, are a racist

Anonymous said...

Cassandra, I'm the anonymous poster who made the first and fourth comments you responded to, and none others. Thanks for your long response. I figured you weren't an anti-Semite and were perhaps even one of the Tribe; normally this kind of mischief doesn't bother me even a little and over the day I've tried to account for why it has.
Perhaps it's my sinking feeling that the country is truly on the precipice, and that the underlying it-would-never-get-bad-in-our-country feeling Americans have will soon be revised downward (the Civil War's aura having long dissipated). Perhaps it's because I've seen quite a few astonishingly crude and too easily delivered statements of anti-Semitism--not to mention blatant anti-Islamic or anti-Arab language--in Yahoo groups or blog comments. I'm very much not a political correctness type, but the "Jewish banker" stereotypes will resonate negatively in someone with a historical awareness of the stereotype (and I have a feeling many Americans don't know there is a history). I get the jokes, I laugh with the Jewish comedians, but my viscera tell me there's a dark cloud on the horizon and I wonder just how quickly things will turn nasty, and for whom.

Anonymous said...

Best not to follow Alice down the rabbit hole on the "you are a racist" remark.

GS et al are sucking the life out of the world for all to see and this is what people find offensive!

Ha, Nero fiddling (sorry to offend any romans out there with the Nero remark)

"Cassandra" said...

Shairon P.-
I like your thinking only the Church isn't what it was - asset-rich, cash poor. It's a mere real estate play - something their Whitehall affiliate can dismember, but a rounding error on the big GS P&L Statement. Religion as a whole remains good business, but nothing compared to highly-levered spec in FI&FX and equity front-running, particularaly when one can finance inventory at ZIRP, and a bank-holding co, one's lines are more or less guaranteed and cannot be pulled..

Articulate Anonymous - I understand the feeling you have for I share an historical perspective and resultant discomfiture. Please email me - I have a question for you I'd rather discuss offline... Thanks

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I need church. Hallelujah uber Kings Goldman. Long live church of Goldman