Monday, October 19, 2009

Plausible Deniability

Being right too often raises suspicion(s). It was what singularly raised the reddest of flashes about Madoff. Of course there are smart competent and hard-working people around. And some get it right more often than wrong, and perhaps in bigger size. But even the best get hosed, sometimes royally so.

Explaining away why and how one gets it - statistically speak - righter than perhaps they ought- and in larger size, must be a hot topic. Dr Simons can point to his army of PhD's, huge diversification and measured sized of his "bets". Others, however, are standing on far less terra firma. Contemplating some of the conversations currently being carried out in the offices of expensive defense attorneys around the nation, I have called upon my own sources of inside information able to conjure some possible balloons that are being floated to create an air of plausible deniability.

Some of the more popular include:

The Sgt Schultz Defense: "I know nothing..."

The Art Samberg Defense: "I've got an army of Harvard MBAs rummaging dumpsters, counting cars in chipmakers' parking lots, and tracking the spending habits of middle managements' wives to get an edge..."

The BornWinner Defense: "I am just plain darn lucky! (and I'd rather be lucky than smart..)"

The Miraculous Defense: "I've had these epiphanies ever since I was a boy and fell out of that tree.."

The Fantastical Defense: "I am a Time Traveler (and since when is Time Traveling illegal??!?)"

The Prophetic Defense: "When Moses and Mohammed heard these voices in their head, they were called Profits (sic.?!??). Why am I being singled out??!?

The Well-Passed Rumour Defense: "I was in this bar, you see, and this guys were talking....and I'd heard the same thing from lots of different sources..."

The "It's written in the Stars Defense": "I've a wonderful financial astrologer..."

The Ernest Saunders Defense: "I am sorry I forgot the question... who am I again??"

The "I am The Best" Defense: "I like to think I invest like Barry Bonds plays baseball or Ben Johnson runs the 100...."

The Manna From Heaven Defense: "Praise be the power of prayer!"

The Divine Inspiration Defense: "The Lord works in strange and mysterious ways..."

The Annointed One Defense: "I am unashamedly Master of The Universe. Who are YOU to question ME...???"

(Please feel free to any and all other plausible explanations)


Demetrius said...

The Old Mother Riley Defense:

"I know I'm right because I told myself so."

burnside said...

. . . or the further imputation of Divine Providence (and a sharing of its blessings) : "We have been very fortunate."

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Eric Hirschberg said...

Watch "it's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" for the classic
"World Series Defense"

Anonymous said...

When do we get a meltdown in the yen?

Anonymous said...

The High Tech Defense: "I have a subscription to WEB BOT..."

Pat Shuff said...

The actors who played the four major German roles-Werner Klemperer (Klink), John Banner (Schultz), Leon Askin (Burkhalter) and Howard Caine (Hochstetter)--were Jewish. Furthermore, Klemperer, Banner, Askin and Robert Clary (LeBeau) were Jews who had fled the Nazis during World War II. Clary says in the recorded commentary on the DVD version of episode "Art for Hogan's Sake" that he spent three years in a concentration camp, that his parents and other family members were killed there, and that he has an identity tattoo from the camp on his arm. Likewise John Banner had been held in a (pre-war) concentration camp and his family was exterminated during the war. Leon Askin was also in a pre-war French internment camp and his parents were killed at Treblinka. Howard Caine (Hochstetter), who was also Jewish (his birth name was Cohen), was American, and Jewish actors Harold Gould and Harold J. Stone played German generals.

As a teenager, Werner Klemperer (Klink) (son of the great conductor Otto Klemperer) fled Hitler's Germany with his family in 1933. During the show's production, he insisted that Hogan always win over his Nazi captors. He defended his playing a Luftwaffe Officer by claiming, "I am an actor. If I can play Richard III, I can play a Nazi." Banner attempted to sum up the paradox of his role by saying, "Who can play Nazis better than us Jews?" Ironically, although Klemperer, Banner, Caine, Gould and Askin play typecast World War II German types, all had actually served in the US Armed Forces during World War II – Banner[16] and Askin in the US Army Air Corps, Caine in the US Navy, Gould with the US Army, and Klemperer in a US Army Entertainment Unit.