(Fade in to telephone ringing.....)
Brrrring Brrrrring.
EARTH: Hello? Futures Exchanges?
This is Planet Earth calling.
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): (in Nasal BQ Accent) Yea? Waddda youze want?
EARTH: Ummmm if you look out the window, we seem to be encoutnering a bit of turbulence. Or is Turbolence. Oh well, never mind spelling or semantics, things are turbo-ing and we here on Planet Earth are becoming concerned that someone will get hurt. Errrr, yes, hurt rather badly.
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Whoozit you sez you were again?
EARTH: Errr Planet Earth. Terra Firma. Gaia. The Big Blue Marble.
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Did Vinny put yooze up to this?
EARTH: Ahem No. We're calling in respect of The Public Interest.
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Waddaya want again.
EARTH: Well we were thinking you should be thinking about raising margin requirements for speculators. Significantly. And increasing the penalties for mis-categorization as a Hedger to "Death".
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Vinny DID put ya up ta this!! Yooze are trying to mussel in my rackit arentcha??
EARTH: No. Now please I implore you. Things are really getting out of hand. Traders are embarking upon positions on the basis of the thin-ness of trade and the fact that you're the ONLY leverage in town. This is a recipe for disaster....
FUTURES EXCHANGE(S): Are you CRAZY? I'ze live for days like these. THIS is what its all about. But you looks like a nice boy, prolly got some wop blood in ya so I tell ya what: "I'll do you a favor and swop the caffinated jo' for decaf. THAT should cool things off a bit.
EARTH: Ummmm errrr. yes thanks. Now about those margin requirements....
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